Here we are at 31 weeks pregnant with only 3 more weeks to go!! I say only, but truthfully, every day is a victory and there have been multiple times we have just hoped to make it to the next day. However, from how far we’ve come-3 1/2 months so far-3 weeks feels really great and we are rejoicing in God’s goodness for bringing us so far.
Keep us in prayer the next few weeks as we approach delivering our baby girls. Physically, the last 3 1/2 weeks have been very up and down, touch and go, and physically, for me, have been really hard; and still is.
Since this is where I post updates to keep everyone in the loop, I’m going to fill you in as short and sweet as I can. This is not a “poor me” update, this is not to complain or whine or be negative. But this is real. This the truth. This is just to let y’all know what we/I face on a daily basis so that those that love us and have walked with us this far are in the loop and have clearer insight on how to pray. It’s raw, it’s honest, and it’s got all the details.
The reason I got re-admitted was because of re-rupture and bleeding which could be indicative of possible partial placental abruption (say that three times fast-yeesh). We won’t know that until the babies are born and they can actually take a look at the placentas themselves. Since then, I’ve basically continued to leak (sometimes gush fluid) and for the first three Monday’s since being back, I’ve had some extreme bleeding episodes where I’ve been put on the monitor for hours at a time to make sure the babies aren’t going into distress. Usually I get an IV put in (I’ve had 4 total so far) and have fluids pushed to try and calm my uterus down. This is the first step to keeping me from having to go to Labor & Delivery where they use more intense methods of stopping pre-term labor if fluids don’t do anything. When the bleeding episodes happen, I contract more than normal. Most of the time they feel no different than regular Braxton hicks contractions but I’m very uncomfortable because my uterus is not happy with the bleeding. One of the Mondays was different (almost 29 weeks), I started having back labor and pretty painful contractions every 3 minutes. That was the scariest, longest night of my life. Thankfully, after Tylenol, a heating pad, and about 5 hrs of monitoring, the pain went away and my contractions spaced out, and bonus–I stayed pregnant! I usually feel extremely weak and my uterus palpitates pretty bad for days after these episodes. I sleep almost all day and emotionally I’m drained as well.
Currently, things have stayed uneventful, which is how we want it. I continue to have bloody fluid that’s constant and operate at about a 60% “I feel human” level. But that’s been the norm since this whole thing started. Walking to the bathroom makes me tired and out of breath, I have to sit to shower, and after my shower, I have to lay with my legs higher than my head because being upright for more than 5 minutes makes Dylan (who is already SO LOW) press down on my cervix so much and it’s painful. On top of all the intense physical stuff, the body doesn’t discriminate against normal pregnancy stuff like constant heartburn, pelvic pain, round ligament pain, third trimester exhaustion, barely being able to eat much in one sitting. Unfortunately, there really isn’t much to do about all this at this point but ride it out to the end. It sounds cliche, but it is only by the grace of God I get through days sometimes. I feel as if my body and emotions are always hanging on by a thread. Many people constantly tell me how I and my husband have walked this out with such grace, so far. And the truth is, both my husband and I have, I can see we have been strong. But it’s almost an out of body experience. It is not on our power at all! And I mean–At. All! Sometimes we don’t even know how we are staying steadfast other than choosing to trust him no matter what. That’s all we can do. And that’s all He has ever asked us to do on this journey. But we also have many amazing people around us, our spiritual family, that help hold our spiritual arms up when we feel we “just can’t”. And our immediate family who runs to any need without complaint; your amazing mom who helps you finish showering and getting dressed when after 3 months you have the biggest (and totally unforeseen) breakdown and can’t stop sobbing in the shower and think you cannot go one more day. This is one of the hardest rides of our life and we could not do this alone. I say it all the time, but THANK YOU to all of you. The village. It really does take one.
Three more weeks!! Kalen and I sometimes can’t look at the end. We have to take every 24 hours (and sometime 12) and just celebrate that. Every night we put an “X” on the calendar and say “Thank you Jesus for another day!” But, y’all, that we’ve come this far is so amazing and we are blown away and undone by His goodness. I’m in tears as I reflect. And that’s how I keep going: When I look at what He’s done. His faithfulness. His promises true. He’s a good Father. In a way, I feel like I have gotten to know Him better through something like this than I may ever have before and dare I even say, “It’s worth it!” It is worth it. Rita Springer’s song “It’s Gonna Be Worth It” is exactly how I feel.
Thank you for continuing to stand with us as we press toward the end. And for allowing us to share our journey so completely open and vulnerable with all of you.
So without further ado, here are some Maternity Photos my sweet sister on a whim said, “I’m coming up to take these!”
Again, I’ll be honest, the energy it took to even put makeup on was painful. Moving to take these pictures was painful. I’m happy I have them, but I was miserable the whole time. I cried after my sister left because of how weak my body feels constantly which would be really hard for anyone, but is really hard for someone like me who has never been incapacitated or felt handicapped before. All I kept asking her was, “Do I look as miserable as I feel?” She assured me I didn’t and when I got the pictures back, I was surprised. Again, it’s like the goodness and grace of God coupled with the intense love I have for these precious miracles blanketed all of it. I’m so happy I have these to look back on and show them one day. To show them that through it all, God held us.
I hope you enjoy!