Hello all our loved ones and prayer warriors. Here is our next update on our twin girls as of yesterday, March 3rd.
Emery’s level is still at 1 cm, which is low. It still leaves room for concern about her lung development. The good thing is that, baby girls have rotated sided by side (one baby on my right side and one on my left) which is not only encouraging because that’s very common for twins at this stage, but even with the rotation, I haven’t lost anymore fluid. The question is, “why?” If the sac is resealed, it SHOULD refill. It could be possible the leak is so small that my body absorbs before it can actually leak out. The next question was then about her kidney function, which is another reason for amniotic fluid to decrease. However, not only her bladder, but her kidneys are working fabulously. Another PRAISE GOD! So, at this point we don’t know WHY it hasn’t re-accumulated, but it doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t. We are keeping that in constant prayer since it is essential for her complete lung development.
Another big ” HALLELUJAH!” is that she has grown so much!!! She has pretty much caught Dylan! Dylan is 12 ounces and Emery is 11 ounces-creating only a 12% (average/healthy) difference, whereas two weeks ago it was 22%; not so great. So that’s an amazing thing! They both look symmetrical in development and are overall so healthy! We go in again on the 21st for another check and if the level has not come back up above two, then at 23.5 weeks (Last week in March) I’ll be admitted to the hospital to finish out the pregnancy so they can monitor for any undetected infection, administer steroid shots for her lungs, and make sure I’m where I need to be in case of a preterm emergency. Although, we are believing and have no worries of that, IF it were to happen, time would be of the essence to try and save the babies.
Right now we’re just grieving and trying to accept the fact that the hospital stay is a reality and it’s our process and journey now. We are having to adapt to the process of getting her/them here and what “pregnancy” and life looks like as we know it, is a little crappy. It sucks. It’s rough. And it’s not anything like we thought it would look like. Who does, right? It’s emotional and hard. It doesn’t change our hope or trust or how we pray and fight, but to totally ignore it is reality at this point, is unhealthy for all of us. So we’re frustrated and excited at the same time.
My biggest things I’m grieving right now are with Harrison and pregnancy itself. Being pregnant is one of my favorite things in the whole world. I could be a surrogate I love it so much. It’s hard to know I don’t get to walk around carefree, to dress up the bump, to really just let go in this pregnancy. As far as grieving in the area of my son, I was so looking forward to getting as much one on one time with Harrison and soaking up every last bit of time where he was my only earthside baby before the twins came. It’s hard knowing that others will be doing things that I only want to be doing. It’s hard knowing that he will have to be brought to me, he won’t be bathed by me, that others will take him to the park, and chickfila, and all the fun things that I want to do as his mom. And it’s hard to know that he will leave at the end of the day but I can’t go with him. Even though I’m confident that God has ALL of our hearts and He is going to take care of us, the fears of Harrison feeling abandoned, of me being replaced, and the emptiness I will feel is very saddening. It’s hard knowing that I won’t sleep in the same bed as my husband for awhile. It’s hard having no choice or control over ANYTHING. Everything about life as we know it is getting a whole new identity for awhile. But like I said above, aside from all the hard things that come with it, the healthiest thing for all of us at this point, is to be realistic about it. We have to not just accept it but learn to embrace it and let God be a part of all of it, knowing he sees, and holds, and protects all of our hearts and emotions through it. We CAN see the other side of this journey. It doesn’t mean there won’t be countless tears (mostly from me), and hard times, and frustration, but we know we are going to not just get by, but actually thrive coming out of this. We know God has things hidden in all of this for us to discover that are going to grow and strengthen our family in a new way.
We also wanted you to know that after we had the appointment we went to see Ann (our midwife) and got a lot of encouragement.We also heard a story while we were there about a woman who had the same thing happen with a singleton. But with her, there was ZERO fluid and the baby was hardly moving! They got her into the hospital and within a few weeks, that fluid started to come back up! So that was so encouraging for us. Also, Ann told us that if everything is normal by 35 weeks then the hospital will often release the patient back into the midwifes care for delivery. So there is still a chance that I could deliver outside of the hospital.
EVERYONE including Kalen and I, have such a peace and believe both babies are going to be healthy and thrive. I’m fully at peace Emery is going to live and thrive and I believe we are going to bring two beautiful healthy babies home. We will continue to believe for an accumulation of fluid/ healthy lungs for Emery. And bonus would be being released and still having them at the birth center. And so those of you that are standing with us and praying for us in this season, thank you first of all, but also, this helps you to know how to pray as well. We can’t tell you enough how much we feel them and I am confident that they are not in vain. They have already proven otherwise.
I really feel a call to rest in the promise over these girls’ lives. I don’t feel like we are in desperation mode to contend for life. We are just in waiting to see the promise of God fulfilled. We are trusting in Him no matter what, and look with anticipation to it being made manifest here on Earth and in Emery’s body.